The last letter from a father

Hello, my loved ones. Hugs and kisses. 

You’re going to read this letter after I die. I want to focus on something specific in this: my mediocrity.

By social standards, I did not achieve “excellence.” I did not garner grand success in my career, nor did I accrue tremendous wealth. I did not “scale” my life to help thousands of people. My impact remained limited; I was heard by only a few, and the quality of my work never exceeded a certain level of worldly clarity or renown. By many metrics, I remained average.

But do not think I am dying with any pain or regret because of this. 

I want to tell you that my success—the way I defined it—lay in being completely at peace with that mediocrity. Because you love me, you might argue that I achieved a different kind of excellence simply by being so comfortable not fulfilling social standards. I am not sure what to call it.

But here is what I have understood about life: How can anything be truly mediocre if everything is a piece of the Divine?

If the Creator is in everything, how can there be mediocrity? The concept of “mediocrity” lies only in the minds of people who haven’t tasted, experienced, or understood Divinity. 

Have I experienced the divine? I don’t know. But I have experienced some level of joy, contentment, and peace. Was that Divinity? How do I know? I only know that what I experienced was valuable to me, and I would never exchange it for worldly excellence.

A father who loves his children can only wish for them the highest that he has seen. So, I wish for you this: Whether you achieve excellence by social standards or remain “ordinary” in the eyes of the world, may you experience this Joy. May you have peace and contentment.

I hope that you listen to Kirtan.

I hope that you listen to Gurbani.

More than that, I hope you understand Gurbani. I hope your experience of the Divine is real—that you are not limited to just an intellectual understanding, but that you actually taste it in your life. I hope this feeling grows so big within you that you help others taste it, too.

Finally, I want to ask you: How will you respond to someone who calls your father a mediocre person?

Would you like to know how I wish you would respond?

I wish that you would respond with agreement. Smile and say:

“Yes, he was. And he was completely fine, at peace, and even joyful being that way. While you see his mediocrity, we also see what was way beyond that. And not just him, no human being can be measured by what he accomplished or failed to accomplish in this world.”

Your father 

Is the universe rigged against us?

When you need a bus, it isn’t there; at other times, they are all around you. A stock goes up only after you sell it. When you try to sell your house, the prices are down; when you try to buy, the prices are up.

These are some of the ideas I have heard multiple times from my neighbors and relatives.

Can you identify the common theme here?

“The universe is against me.”

In their minds, this isn’t just a complaint; it is a law. This is how things work. It feels obvious. And when someone says such things, others readily agree.

Are we significant enough that the universe cares one way or the other about us?

And if the universe does care about what happens in our lives, why is it against us?

Here’s what’s interesting: many religions and spiritual traditions suggest the opposite: that our world reflects our thoughts and beliefs. That we’re creators, not victims. If so, the universe works with us, not against us.

So, if that’s true, why does it really seem that the universe is stacked against us?

Two reasons:

First, we are biased in our observations. We are more likely to pay attention to the absence of the bus when we want it; if it is absent at other times, we won’t notice it. Similarly, we are more likely to pay attention to a stock that goes up after we sell it. It can generate strong emotions of missed opportunity. And the stronger the emotions associated with a memory, the more likely we are to remember it.

Second, there is something oddly comforting about believing that we live in a world rigged against us. It allows us to attribute the messiness of our lives to universal forces and take pride in merely surviving. We need the universe to be against us so that we don’t have to confront our own role in shaping our lives.

But there is another way to live.

To believe in a universe stacked in our favour. To believe in our agency to change our lives. To take responsibility without self-blame, and without blaming others. To focus less on what we don’t want and more on what we do want and to channel our energy in that direction.

Perhaps this is a more helpful, and happier, way to live.

You are not born to shine; you shone even before you were born.

There is a saying that you are born to shine. Of course, everybody is trying to shine, to stand out, to become something big. But I see within me a longing to make peace with remaining small. It is almost as if some part of me is not very comfortable with not being at peace with remaining small.

This part wonders: What is the problem with remaining small? All the counters that come up against remaining small are the ones that are socially gathered, not originated from my deep self. 

All this craving to become someone big—by doing something great—is born out of the idea that I am not a piece of the Divine. Because if I am a piece of the Divine, then I am complete the way I am. There is nothing to become. The story is finished, and I can be at peace right now.

At this moment, I’m trying to make peace with remaining small, and that seems to be a step in the right direction.

Society has sold this idea in a significant way that very naturally, subconsciously, I crave to become big, I crave to do something great, and I call this my desire. But is it really my desire? Or is it something that has become a part of me because I have been constantly exposed to messages from outside?

In a weird way, I sense that there is something big about being comfortable being small. Perhaps, one can shine by becoming completely at peace with being small. 

Just to be clear, this peace is not about giving in. This peace is about “recognizing” that there is nothing wrong, nothing deficient in remaining small; that small is as much a reflection of the Source as big is. This peace comes from a deeper well within that originates from a belief in or the knowledge of the source of life.

Is possessing a virtue virtuous?

The virtuosity of a virtue dies when it becomes a “virtue.”

Joy is not a virtue, nor is service, nor is humility.

These are qualities that spring forth out of one’s being as it touches the truth.

The one who imbibes these as “virtues” possesses their bodies without the souls.

My wish for my son

Not a good man

I want you to be

Because what does a good man do?

What’s good in the eyes of the society. 

But the society is lost. 

Its lostness reflects in its misery

So, becoming a good man

is a recipe for becoming a miserable one

How can I wish this for you?

What do I wish for you?

That you be a happy man inside out. 

How does one become that?

My life reflects my not having the answer. 

So, find the answer

And be happy 

And then lead me there. 

The Paradoxical Way of the Universe

In this world, people believe that unless you ask, you don’t get.

So they keep asking. They keep reaching. They never show that they’re satisfied or happy with what they already have. They aspire—and not just aspire, but push—for more.

But the universe works in paradoxical ways.

The more dissatisfied you are, the more ‘lack’ you attract.

The more grateful you are, the more abundance finds you.

The moment you say, “I have enough. what more can I ask for?” you’re showered with even more.

When you keep asking, you affirm lack.

Because every act is creative – both the act of asking and the thought beneath it: I don’t have enough.

While asking carries doubt, the belief in lack carries conviction.

And so life unfolds – full of lack, with only small glimpses of fulfilment.

My 38th birthday

This post captures the thoughts I had on my recent birthday.

ਸਾਧੋ ਰਚਨਾ ਰਾਮ ਬਨਾਈ ॥
Seekers: See, the Lord has fashioned such a creation.
ਇਕਿ ਬਿਨਸੈ ਇਕ ਅਸਥਿਰੁ ਮਾਨੈ ਅਚਰਜੁ ਲਖਿਓ ਨ ਜਾਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
One person passes away while another thinks that he will live forever – this is a wonder beyond understanding!

This Gurbani shabad resonates deeply today. Yesterday, I heard Sadhguru share that if we remained conscious of our mortality, we would only do what truly matters to us. Life, he said, would then be wonderful.

Today, I am one year farther from my birth and one year closer to my death. This makes me wonder: if I truly lived with this awareness, how would I be different?

What would I drop?

What would I pick up?

Or, perhaps, the real question is: how deeply and patiently would I strive to know myself, sans the ‘outside noise’ I have gathered over years, or even lifetimes?

I see within me a strong, compulsive urge to do—to just do something—even though I lack clarity on what I truly want or why. I recognize this urge as a consequence of my insecurities and ingrained belief systems: the belief that I must keep doing.

It’s as if my life is unjustified if I just sit idle.

As if what I do is more important than “I”.

As if what I gather is more important than “I”.

The truth is, it’s not just that people around me wouldn’t let me sit idle for long. It’s that I would agree with their logic. It’s not that they are lost; it’s that I am also lost, not yet grounded enough in myself to disagree with them for long.

So, amidst this shared lostness, we all roam. We celebrate our birthdays and continue living the lives we live. Year by year, the day of death gets closer, but we live as if we will live forever.

This, as Gurbani says, truly is the wonder beyond understanding.

The desire to be unconditionally accepted

Expecting others who have not accepted many parts of themselves to unconditionally accept me is obviously not going to work. 

I need to unconditionally accept myself first. From that unconditional acceptance will spring an acceptance of others’ conditional acceptance. 

And when I accept even their conditional acceptance, I will also accept their whole selves unconditionally. 

From my unconditional acceptance will they gather the courage to accept the parts of themselves that they have rejected for long. 

And by accepting those parts will they arrive at a stage where they will unconditionally accept themselves. 

And from that unconditional acceptance of self will emerge unconditional acceptance of others. 

I am waiting for others to change. And perhaps, they are waiting for me to change. 

And once I change, the whole universe will begin to change. 

It doesn’t mean that I am special. It means that the parts of universe are intimately connected with each other. 

My “Process vs. Outcome” Story: A Capital Gains Tax Dilemma

A note from the author: This is the seventh article in a series where I aim to share my personal financial journey and the decision-making framework I use. I am not a financial advisor, and these are reflections on my own choices, values, and rationale, not recommendations for others. I hope that by sharing my thought process, I might offer a different viewpoint or spark useful reflection and discussion for those navigating similar paths. I welcome alternative, including contradictory, perspectives. If you find any factual errors in this article, I would appreciate it if you could point them out.

In the previous article, I shared a case study of a major investment in an individual stock (Airtel) and the lessons I gathered from that multi-year experience. That was a story about flawed reasoning and emotional biases over a long period.

This article is a different kind of case study. It’s a micro-look at a single decision I had to make, where I had a clear process and all the available information. But, as we all know, the market had other plans. For me, this experience was the ultimate test of my conviction in valuing a sound process over a perfect outcome.

If you’re new here, I recommend starting from the beginning to get the full context. You can find all the articles in this series on this page:

https://chiranjeevsingh.me/tag/myfinances

In one of the previous articles, I shared my journey of shifting my investments from index funds to Parag Parikh Mutual Fund (PPFAS) once I found an alignment with their investment philosophy. The practical side of this shift involved selling my existing index fund units, which brought up an interesting decision point regarding capital gains tax.

The Situation: Long-Term vs. Short-Term Gains

A large portion of my index fund holdings were more than a year old. In India, this meant they qualified for long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax, which is generally lower. However, a smaller part of my holdings was still “short-term” – held for less than a year – and would attract a higher short-term capital gains (STCG) tax if sold immediately.

Within these short-term units, some were relatively new (less than ten months old), but a few were approaching their one-year anniversary – specifically, they were over ten months old but not yet twelve. This raised a question: should I sell these “nearly long-term” units now and pay the higher STCG tax, or hold onto them for another couple of months to benefit from the lower LTCG tax rate?

My Decision-Making & The “Napkin Math”

I decided to sell the units that were ten months old or less immediately. For those that were more than ten months old, I decided to hold them for the remaining period (less than two months) to let them qualify for LTCG. Here’s the rationale and the simplified math I used at the time:

  1. Assumed Average Returns: I based my calculations on long-term averages:
    • Index Funds: ~12% per year.
    • PPFAS: ~20% per year (based on its past performance).
    • This meant an approximate 8% annual differential in returns in favour of PPFAS.
  2. Tax Assumptions (Illustrative for my decision): For my calculation, I assumed:
    • Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG) tax: 20% on the gains.
    • Long-Term Capital Gains (LTCG) tax: 12.5% on the gains. (Note: These were my working assumptions for this decision; actual tax rates can vary and change.)
  3. The Calculation for a Hypothetical Rs 100 Investment with a Rs 20 Gain:
    • If I sell now (STCG): The tax on the Rs 20 gain would be 20% of Rs 20 = Rs 4.
    • If I hold for about 2 more months (to qualify for LTCG): The tax on the Rs 20 gain would be 12.5% of Rs 20 = Rs 2.5.
    • Tax saved by waiting: Rs 4 – Rs 2.5 = Rs 1.5.
  4. Potential Additional Gain from PPFAS by Shifting Sooner: If I shifted that capital (let’s say the Rs 120 total value) to PPFAS two months earlier, what could be the potential extra gain from its higher average return?
    • The 8% annual differential translates to roughly 0.67% per month (8% / 12 months).
    • For two months, this would be an additional 1.33% (0.67% * 2).
    • On an investment value of Rs 120, this potential extra gain would be 1.33% of Rs 120 = approximately Rs 1.60.

The Verdict of the Math: The tax saved by waiting (Rs 1.50) was almost equal to the potential extra gain from shifting to PPFAS two months earlier (Rs 1.60). Given this near parity, and the certainty of tax saving versus the uncertainty of short-term market returns, holding on for a couple of months to pay lower tax seemed like a sensible choice.

I was aware that I was going by long-term averages and that these might not hold true over a short two-month period. The market could do anything. But without the ability to predict the future or any specialized expertise to suggest those two months would be significantly different from any other, using averages was the only logical basis for my decision.

What Actually Happened? The Market Had Other Plans.

As it turned out, over the next two months, the index funds declined significantly more than PPFAS did. In hindsight, from a purely financial outcome perspective for those specific units, it would have been much better to sell immediately and make the complete shift to PPFAS, even with the higher STCG tax.

The Crucial Lesson: Process Trumps Outcome

So, what did I learn from this specific experience? Perhaps surprisingly, I learned nothing that would make me change my decision-making process for a similar situation in the future.

The process I followed was sensible: I analyzed the situation based on the information and averages available to me, did a reasonable calculation, and made a choice. I could not have predicted that index funds would perform significantly worse than PPFAS over that specific short timeframe.

This is a critical point I want to highlight. Many people draw firm conclusions by looking at outcomes. But when you are making a decision, you only have your process and the available information; you do not know how the future will unfold. Takeaways and learnings must take this uncertainty into account. Just because a sound process didn’t lead to the optimal financial outcome in one particular instance, under specific market movements that were unknowable at the time, does not mean the process itself was flawed.

If I were to face a similar choice again, I would likely follow the same logical process. The alternative would be to try and guess short-term market movements, which goes against my core principle of acknowledging what I don’t know.

This experience reinforced my belief that focusing on a rational, repeatable decision-making process is more important than getting fixated on the outcome of any single decision, especially when external factors like short-term market volatility are involved.

My Experience with Airtel Stock: Investment Decisions, Outcomes, and Lessons Learned

A note from the author:  This is the sixth article in a series where I aim to share my personal financial journey and the decision-making framework I use. I am not a financial advisor, and these are reflections on my own choices, values, and rationale, not recommendations for others. I hope that by sharing my thought process, I might offer a different viewpoint or spark useful reflection and discussion for those navigating similar paths. I welcome alternative, including contradictory, perspectives. If you find any factual errors in this article, I would appreciate it if you could point them out.

In the previous articles, I’ve shared my foundational savings philosophy, my core investment principles, and my personal take on the quest for ‘alpha’. Now, we move from philosophy to a real-world case study. If you’re new here, I recommend starting from the beginning to get the full context. You can find all the articles in this series on this page:

https://chiranjeevsingh.me/tag/myfinances

This article details my experience with investing in Airtel stock, from initial purchase to eventual sale. While this series of investments resulted in a significant financial gain, many of the initial decisions were based on intuition rather than any analysis. I share this experience with the intention that some readers may draw some lessons from my experience and my analysis of the experience.

Initial Investment: ₹5,00,000 in March 2021 (Price: ~₹520)

My first investment in Airtel was for ₹5,00,000 in March 2021, purchasing shares for my wife when the price was around ₹520. My decision to invest at that moment was driven by two main thoughts:

  1. A positive memory: I recalled an Airtel case study from my MBA program in 2009, which had left me impressed with the management’s collaborative approach with vendors.
  2. A price observation: I noted that the stock price had not significantly risen for several years, and I interpreted this as a potential opportunity.

As I reflect on this decision now, I can see that it was based on outdated information and a flawed assumption. I studied about Airtel during my MBA in 2009, and that case study itself would likely have been based on events or strategies from several years prior to that. So, when I was making an investment call for Airtel in 2021, I was relying on information that could have been close to 15-20 years old. A company’s strategic decisions from that long ago, however impressive at the time, offer very little insight into its current valuation or future prospects. Furthermore, my assumption that a stagnant stock price automatically signals an upcoming rise is a common misjudgment. A price that hasn’t grown for years can often signify underlying problems within the company. Clearly, this initial decision was not rooted in sound investment principles.

Second Investment: ₹10,00,000 in May 2021 (Price: ~₹560)

Following a price increase in Airtel stock over the subsequent two months, I invested an additional ₹10,00,000 in May 2021, this time for myself, at a price of around ₹560. My rationale for this second purchase was primarily influenced by the recent positive performance of my first investment.

Looking back at this second investment, I realize it was largely a reactive decision. The short-term success of the first purchase created a sense of confidence. Investing more money simply because the price went up is a classic example of being swayed by recent trends.

Partial Sale and Emotional Responses (June 2021)

Soon after the second purchase, the share price declined to around ₹530. This sudden drop prompted two different actions:

  • I sold the initial ₹5,00,000 worth of shares (purchased for my wife) in early June 2021.
  • I continued to hold the ₹10,00,000 investment made for myself, despite it being at a loss.

When the share price declined, I became aware of the limitedness of my understanding. I did not know whether the stock will continue to fall or recover. It was a moment where the potential downsides became starkly apparent. So, I sold the shares purchased at Rs 520 in my wife’s name.

However, I decided to continue to remain invested in the shares I bought for myself because I was unwillingness to “book a loss” – I had bought the shares at Rs 560, and the current price was Rs 530. This is a textbook example of what financial psychology calls “loss aversion”—the tendency for people to feel the pain of a loss more strongly than the pleasure of an equivalent gain. This often leads to irrational decisions, such as holding onto losing investments in the hope they’ll recover, rather than making an objective assessment of their future prospects. Logically, if the outlook for the stock was poor, the decision to sell or hold should have been based on the same criteria for both parcels of shares, not on an aversion to crystallizing a loss on my personal account.

Third Investment: ₹20,00,000 in December 2022 (Price: ~₹810)

The stock price subsequently recovered and continued its upward trend. In December 2022, about a year and a half after my previous transactions, I invested another ₹20,00,000 in Airtel shares when they were trading at about ₹810. My primary reason for this substantial investment, even at a significantly higher price, was again largely a “gut feeling” that the company might continue to perform well, a feeling likely reinforced by its sustained price increase over the preceding months.

Sale of All Holdings and Strategic Shift (September 2024)

Airtel shares continued to perform well into 2024. In September of that year, I made the decision to sell all my remaining Airtel holdings. The ₹30,00,000 I had invested (the ₹10,00,000 from May 2021 and the ₹20,00,000 from December 2022) was sold for ₹60,00,000, resulting in a profit of ₹30,00,000 on these specific holdings.

The key reason for selling at this point was a conscious shift in my overall investment strategy: I was in the process of moving my investments to PPFAS. Despite Airtel’s strong performance, and the natural hesitation one feels when selling a winning stock, I had come to a clearer understanding of my own limitations. I recognized that I didn’t possess the specialized knowledge or expertise to confidently analyze individual stocks, assess industry dynamics, or understand macroeconomic factors well enough to justify making large, concentrated bets on a single company.

Post-Sale Observations and Upholding Process (May 2025)

I am writing this in Sept 2025. Currently, Airtel stock is trading around ₹1960. Had I held onto my shares instead of selling them in September 2024, their value would be approximately ₹16,00,000 higher today. It’s also worth noting that during this same period (September 2024 – Sept 2025), the growth in my PPFAS investment, and indeed the broader stock market, has been relatively modest.

When I consider this outcome, the “what if” scenario is apparent. Seeing Airtel’s price at ₹1960 naturally brings a feeling of having “missed out” on additional gains. Those feelings are definitely there. However, I consciously remind myself that the decision to sell Airtel and shift to PPFAS was based on a carefully considered change in my investment process, not on an attempt to time the market perfectly. Short-term market movements are unpredictable. While this particular 12-month period would have favored holding Airtel, my conviction remains that a disciplined investment process is more critical than any single outcome over a relatively short timeframe.

If I were to doubt the rationale for my shift now, simply because Airtel continued to rise, what would that imply? That I should revert to picking stocks based on gut feelings and assume my intuition can consistently outperform dedicated fund managers with extensive research capabilities? That line of thinking doesn’t align with my current understanding. Therefore, while I acknowledge the feeling of missed opportunity, I stand by the correctness of the process that led to the decision.

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